a writer.

I think the first time I ever said that
I was a "writer" was
just this last spring to my then-boss.

Long-story-short, we were talking about
the nature of our communications department
(3 people strong!)
and how it had developed.  My boss was great, and
he gave me and my coworker a lot of writing projects to do.

As this conversation started to conclude, I said, with
great hesitation,
"I like this job - I like the creativity, and I like writing,
because I am a writer."  There was
a pause after that,
because I don't always feel like my blogging is "writing" rather
than just talking and
leading you all through my thought process.

Some people call this kind of writing
poetry;
I call it
actively causing you're eye to
follow my words by using
progressive verb tense and
prepositional phrases.
              Also, the use of interesting
                                formatting doesn't hurt with
                                                obtaining your attention, either.

Anyway, I'm saying these things because
     a. I read the Daily Generous Wife blog,
         b. The author of that blog linked this 15-day writing activity, and
             c. I've had a lot of thoughts in my head lately, and this is at least one
                 that is easy to get out.


Also, on a whole other topic,
today is the anniversary of D-Day.
I'm incredibly thankful for the
immense bravery and sacrifice
the soldiers had on that day.

"My weakness I feel, I must finally show"

Hit play and then read, please.

Sorry for the inevitable 15 seconds of advertising,
which probably/almost absolutely happened - this is likely the only
legal copy of this song on YouTube.

--- --- ---

There's nothing like a tough day in infertility land.
Well, actually,
there's nothing like a tough day in infertility land when
more reminders of what you're missing are appearing
all
over
the
place.


The "tough-ness" happens to be particularly difficult
during times of change.

--- --- ---

I've been quiet lately; it's something
that happens when there is a lot going on.
Here's what's all going on: 

1. We're taking a "break" from trying to conceive (TTC). It's produced as many challenges as it has relief.
2. I start a new job today. It's a needed and wanted change, yet out of my safe/comfort zone.
3. John leaves for 6 weeks very soon.
4. Grief is making a comeback, producing vivid memories of incredible clarity.

 --- --- ---

Truthfully, this year has been tough, and
there is a bit of a constant haze that has
kept me from understanding
how life should be, how I should be.

I have a lot of stuff to work on,
and most of what needs to be worked on
will be in God's strength and timing
(because
there's no way
I could fix all of this).

It's clear that I've gotten a little "better,"
but I would appreciate everyone's prayers
that these weaknesses I have
that I'll be beginning to show
will be uplifted with God's strength.

weeks - days - forever

6 weeks -
                 how long my husband will be gone for army chaplain training.
2 weeks (plus a day) -
                                   how long until he leaves
3 days -
              the length of his drill this weekend
Forever -
                 how long I'll love him (and him, me). 

and the whole earth shook.

Matthew 28:1-10




After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week,
Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went
to look at the tomb.

There was a violent earthquake,

for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and,
going to the tomb,
rolled back the stone and
sat on it.

His appearance was like lightning, and
his clothes were white as snow.

The guards were so afraid of him that
they shook and
became like dead men.


The angel said
to the women,
"Do not be afraid,
for I know that you are
looking for Jesus,
who was crucified.

He is not here; he has risen, just as he said.
Come and see
 the place where he lay.

Then go quickly and tell his disciples:
'He has risen from the dead and
is going ahead of you into
Galilee.
There you will see him.'
Now I have told you."


So the women hurried away from the tomb,

afraid
         yet
              filled
                     with joy,

and ran to tell his disciples.

Suddenly
         Jesus met them.
                          "Greetings," he said.

They came to him,
clasped his feet and
worshiped him.

Then Jesus said to them,
"Do not be afraid.
             Go
and tell my brothers to
go to Galilee;
there they will see me."

Well I figure I might as well.

It's that time again -
a monthly blog post!

Really, I wish I could write more, but in what I hope will be a
post in the next few days, I'll explain all the reasons and
excuses of why I just feel like I can't.

But for now, I'd like to show you a picture of some cookies.

 Well, Google, you decided to get fancy with the text wrapping, huh?














What does this have to do with anything? 

I ran the March Madness Bracket tourney at my work, which was
a ton of fun!

Most of the people picked Kentucky to win (I picked Ohio State...bah, Kansas!),
and it came down to final score predictions to
determine the winner.

The winner, Dr. Bob Herron, wanted some kind of cookie with
pecans in them (doing his Louisiana roots proud),
so I was able to find this little gem after a couple clicks of the mouse.

They are tasty - yet another winner from the Smitten Kitchen site.

One key tip - don't skip the oatmeal.  You will,
I say,
will regret that decision.


p.s. I know text wrapping has been around for a while, just wanted to acknowledge it.
p.p.s. I know Google doesn't really read this blog...or DO they?!

hi, again.

It's been a while since I've written, and I
can't guarantee this will be an awesome post of any sort,
but I am just going to spout off some thoughts here, and
maybe I'll whip up some thought-provoking text on this blog.

Thought 1:
Watching the cyclones on TV is exciting, because IL doesn't do
Big 12.  Thankfully, CBS does online March Madness broadcast.
First two points of the game?  ISU!
But there is a bit of sadness in this situation here.  If I showed you
this room I'm sitting in, it would only include me and the guys on TV.
I miss Iowa.
I also am having a hard time watching KU score 7 crazy unanswered points.
Fingers-crossed that these ISU men can pull out some away-game
Hilton Magic. 
Update: 22-26, KU.  Make 'em cry, Cyclones!

2:
I know #1 seeds in the NCAA tournament get preferential
placement in regard to which region they get to play their
first games.  Having your first games in your home state, though,
just seems too dang good. 


3:
I'm got a lot of feedback on my infertility post, and I'm wondering if
I should start a series.  Maybe.
This month, I thought we had finally done it, but no such result.  
Guess I still have some writing material, right?

::sigh::


4:
It's tough when I'm explaining something about my hometown, and
I have to explain something about my "mom's house." 
It's not just that my dad died, but that he did die - he didn't leave. 
So many people live in broken homes - officially broken by divorce -
and I just want people to know that my parents loved each other
and they didn't give up - ever.


5:
We - John and I - also have to clarify about our living arrangements
whenever we talk about Minnesota.  When we were engaged,
he lived in Minneapolis, and I lived in Chaska. 
Actually, I did have
a student once ask me if my then-fiance and I lived together, and
when I said no, he said "Cool!" 
(Tara - take one big guess as to who that was)


6:
The weather is great right now, and hopefully we get some rain.
The farmers could use it, and so could the daffodils! 
Hopefully I'll be getting some pics of those this spring.


7:
Next year I'll be leading a Trinity Wives small group on campus.
Hopefully God blesses it as much as he did our small group this year.
One awesome thing: one of the women from my group
volunteered (unasked!) to go with me to my group, whatever that will be! 


8:
Well, I got photoshop for Christmas (on super sale!), and let me tell you,
it's a unique program, and it
does some fun things like ----
create 10 Year Reunion Invitations!
Coming in April to a Mailbox Near You*
*that is, if "you" were a part of the class of PIHS 2002. 


9:
If you have two cents if not twenty cents about
how to get into shape, meaning
how to get toned up,
build endurance,
and eat healthy,
then please chime in.
Oh, and keep in mind that, when you give
those two or more cents, that I
am a weak little thing,
don't like to run (but wish I did),
and I don't tend to get hungry that often.


10:
Time to finally make my wedding photo book.  
3.5 years isn't too late, is it?

Today

Today was the first day that my husband has actually
been "owned" by the army. 

Today was the first day I spent a whole Saturday here
by myself without a car since...a long time ago.

Today was the first day in a good long while
that my husband was more tired than me at 10:00 p.m.

Today was the first day John got to interact with the people
he is going to help through this chaplaincy program.

Today was the first day that my husband got to see
the evidence of the clearest reason God brought us here.

Today was the first day of many where I'll listen to my
husband tell as many stories in such an enthusiastic way
as he did today. 

Today
was a good day.

Only we could have expected change happen so unexpectedly.

Saturday starts the chapter for us
that we've been trying to write for quite some time.

The main issue was that we had the pen, but
the delivery man had yet to bring us some paper.

Well, take that metaphor and apply it to
the army, and guess what -
that's our life.

Saturday is officially Day 1 of this army life we're
going to be living.  John starts drill in T-minus
7 hours, and he found out about said drill weekend
T-plus 36 hours ago.

Oh, and we found out about where and with whom
John would be drilling T-plus 48 hours ago.

But wait - John was supposed to be told this information
about 3 months ago.  You know - T-plus 3 months ago.

And wait - this was a process we started 14 months ago (no "T-plus" there). 

That, my friends, is how you learn patience and grace.

That, my friends, is how you hone your sense of humor.

And that, my friends, is the definition of
hurry up and wait. 

Welcome [back] to the military to us.
Welcome [back]. 

Stories about my dad, #2

Something my dad always liked to do was tell stories.

After multiple brain surgeries and a reconstructive one on
the area where the surgeries took place,
he ended up having a hard time telling stories that weren't
what we had heard many times before.

I think that it was
a. the way he rebuilt relationship with people after he hadn't seen
them in a while,
b. the way he emphasized what was important to him,
and/or
c. the way he got through the effects the surgeries had on his
short term memory so that he could get to new stories or
thoughts that he had that day.

Also, he would forget a lot of things as his time on earth winded down,
and he was known for randomly switching conversation topics,
particularly when he got tired.

While this was difficult and frustrating for all of us at times,
it definitely also provided for some laughs - a necessary thing
when going through tragedy like this.

One of those times he did a topic switch-er-roo happened when
John asked Dad for my hand in marriage.


John drove down to PI from the cities one Monday afternoon.
He happened to pull in the same time as my sister.  She looked
at John with two seconds of confusion, then started freaking out (of course).
She knew what was coming, and, apparently, so did my dad.

Ashley walked into the house and yelled, "Dad, John's here to talk to you!"

John headed upstairs where my dad was.  They started shaking hands, and
my dad started "smiling like a fool" as soon as he got it.  He didn't
quit shaking John's hand. 

John asked dad, "So Gary, do you know why I'm here?"
Dad said "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah" with his classic chuckle during
excitable situations.

"Well, I'd like to ask permission to marry your daughter," John told my dad.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah." Dad replied, still grinning from ear to ear.

"Well, Gary, what do you think about that?  Is that ok?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah."  Still happy, still shaking John's hand.

As they have this exchange, Ashley tells John to come downstairs
to talk about all the details of the proposal (she had to know!).

After a little while, Dad yells down, "Ashley, tell John to come up here when he's done."

John went upstairs, and Dad said, "You know, you didn't have to ask my permission."

"I know," John said, "but I felt it was the right thing to do, and I wanted to do it."

"Ok.  Say - I need to show you something."

So at that point John was thinking that Dad was going to give him some kind of
advice about marriage or what Dad did to propose to my mom.

Instead, Dad proceeded to go to the kitchen,
open the freezer,
and say
"Check out these walleye I caught!"

Classic Dad.  You never knew when a moment like that was going to happen next.

Work it out

So tonight I went to Zumba.

It was the first class of the semester at the new
fitness center at TIU.

Let's just say that when you see the Zumba FB photo pop up on your news feed
and it's a split screen of what you feel like and what you actually look like
when doing this hour-long-
who-can-shake-it-the-longest-
class,
what you see will be 100% accurate.

After a while, or at least
when you still have energy,
you feel great,
you know:

Having fun,
feeling the beat,
and all that.

The catch, however,
is when you haven't worked out hard in YEARS
and it's been almost 5 years since you
did any form of dancing regularly,
well - you will look like this:

"This submission comes all the way from Romania, proving that yes, they are all gymnasts."
From Awkward Family Photos
[source]

Well, actually you look significantly
less
amazing than that guy, but you get my point.

So, I thought that maybe you who have 8 minutes and 13 seconds
on your hands to watch a fantastic example of when I
actually was coordinated and in-shape,
here you go.

Greek Week 2007
1st Place Lip Sync
ΚΑΘ ΒΣΨ ΦΒΧ

If you have only 1 or 2 minutes and
yearn to see me dazzle the stage
(including a big misstep I took at 4:15),
I'm the one wearing purple in the first act.

Purple is a dazzling color, people.