Monday, November 21, 2016
It wasn't many, really, but it was some. You may see somewhere on this page how many people "follow" me, but I don't think any of them read here anymore.
Really, it doesn't help that I don't write as much as I used to. Few people ever commented back in the day when I'd put something out weekly, but that didn't bother me as much as the things in the world around me and not around me that made me kind of become quiet.
I tried to do theme posts, tried to do a series, and tried to just write consistently. I failed at the lot of that, but it didn't matter.
Sometimes it's better just to write whenever you feel like it and whenever the words come to your mind and your heart and your fingertips.
It's better to get words out of your head than keep them swirling within. So here we go, friends (if you read or if you don't).
I'm back to blogging - you know, for the 15th time? - and likely it will be at another blogging place with another address and another web platform altogether. But for now, here I am, still at blogger and still at this, my 4th address, and still keeping my dignity (what's left) in check.
To the lonely websurfer out there who happens upon my blog by some random reason, I just wanted to quickly say hello! And if you're a long-time reader and still keep up whenever I get to writing, thank you!
That's all for now. More coherence later. 👍
Saturday, August 13, 2016
- The hormones that make a woman dilate prior to contractions is completely different than that which makes the contractions happen, so one could get to 3 or 4 centimeters without a contraction.
- Stripping the membranes as a way to get labor going is not guaranteed to work, and you could feel totally normal afterward, which is a great way to deflate any hope of labor happening!
- Breaking the bag of waters may or may not cause contractions to start.
- One can possibly not feel contractions in the early stages of labor.
- If one doesn't see the same doctor throughout one's pregnancy, an accurate prediction of baby's size is difficult for any attending midwife or physician.
- Getting drugged up the same way for two different pregnancies does not mean said drugs will work the same way on the person being drugged.
"You've got this babe; he's right there. Just one more push."
"Just one more push!"
"Just one more push!"
"It's pretty clear you're not a fan of being in labor, so you should just get an epidural as soon as you get to the hospital if you have another baby."
Why did she say that? Were there other "super moms" who are able to muscle out a new babe without a single drop of any kind of drug? Are there moms out there who can crack jokes while their muscles split and don't blink an eye with any of the pain? Sure. And hey, maybe they love labor and delivery. Maybe they actually hate it and want it just to be done. But maybe, most likely, that statement just should have never been said, especially after all that happened and in a tone that was not at all...helpful.
As a side note from what this blog post will be about,
and this post WILL be short,
I don't only think or talk about as bummer of things as this.
I also whine all day about how this summer has meant for non-stop sweating and being the preferred target of all mosquitoes within the tri-county area.
So there's that.
Anyway, after counseling and meds and talking to people and reading all sorts of articles about what often happens to women after labor and delivery (yet, absurdly, nearly no one openly talks about), I figured out I had all of the above - up there in the title line.
It was rough, starting out with Zeke (birth story almost done!!), and I don't really blame him. Yes, newborns are difficult to figure out, even if you've had one before, but this was altogether different.
I don't know how I can do it or what I can say to make women everywhere aware of the fact that if something is wrong, it's ok to ask.
But everyone out there - regardless of your medical condition but especially if it's as nefarious as everything that happens after you birth a human being -
if you are sick
or if you are sad
or if you are hurt
and it JUST isn't gettting any better,
talk to someone.
You have my permission,
you have my support,
you have my insistance.
Getting help, for whatever it is, is crucial. Some say it takes a village to raise a child. That may be, but I'll tell you what:
It takes a village to truly function as an adult.
Saturday, March 5, 2016
no, not hospital -
bed a couple of weeks ago after spending some time with the other "John" in this house while my beloved John did what he could to help.
depressing to have this be my first impression that I give to so many of the women I am meeting.
Wednesday, March 2, 2016
So it's ok to miss, and sometimes those misses are hard ones, but it's ok to do it because you can't get that person back.
That all said, I do know that I'll see my dad again some day because he put his faith in Christ before he died. So sometimes, with the heart of the little girl that he pushed on the swing at the local city park, I ask God to tell my dad that I love him.
I know you can't really communicate with people in heaven, and I know that our relationships will be different with one another when we get there, but I would just like to think, if not pretend, that God would do such a thing.
Maybe it could just be a little extra joy that day, if extra is possible in that perfect and most excellent place. Maybe it could be just a little more...joyful, a little more warmth, that would say to him "I'm doing ok, but I'm so excited to see you someday, and in the grand scheme of things, it will be someday soon."
Like an amputee who misses their arm or a blind person who misses their sight, I have both learned to be ok despite this loss, and I have learned that some things, and some people, are just ok to miss no matter how ok you are.
Monday, February 15, 2016
Monday, February 1, 2016
Thank you, spring, for not waiting as long to happen in sone states as others.
Thank you, rain, for cleaning up the mess that Jonas made.
Thank you, reality, for existing in weather forecasts and showing me that winter isn't gone yet.
Thank you, weeks 6, 7, & 8 of my son's life. Because you came to be, I am quickly forgetting about his intense witching hour and enjoying mesmerizingly sweet smiles and coos.
Thank you, sleep, for beinging what you are. Same goes for you, chocolate, hot showers, and Bad Lip Reading NFL '16.
Thank you, God, for hope, healing, faith, and family.
Wednesday, January 27, 2016
My dreamfeed times all have one definite characteristic: they're long.
Zeke takes the dreamfeed around 10 or 11 at night, and he is usually pretty sleepy but nevertheless still takes a full meal.
What does this mean? Slow progress on his part and a lot of free time on mine.
Life is finally starting to get a little bit easier with two kids under 2, but I can't say I'm at point of it being easy. There are days when I'll look at my offspring with adoration, and there are days when I'd rather not look and instead hide my head under every pillow and blanket in the house.
Some exciting things that happened this week:
-my son smiled for the first time on Tuesday!
- my daughters verbal capabilities have taken a huge leap: sentences!
That was supposed to be far more plentiful list, but since it took me a good 30 seconds to come up with the word "plentiful," I'm going to cut it off right here. I was thinking of a way to show how darn tired I've been and how my days are busy, but I think the brevity this post shows the extent to which my brain is fairly dead.
I love my kids, I love my husband, I love God, and I love sleep.