Friday, January 28, 2011

thoughts on mission, indecision, lost vision

So we're at Trinity International University for a reason:
to follow
and glorify 

That's our mission as Christ followers,
and God wants John and I to do that through John's step into ministry. 

I know that God knits two into one when they get married, 
so what is John's mission
is also mine.

I'm all about him going into the military again.
He is so happy when he talks about his army buddies
and his experience working for a purpose so much more intense than most other jobs out there,
plus he looks dang good in uniform (and with an army body!). 

He's going to be embarrassed if he ever reads that. 

Anyway, the question that I always asked myself
and previously got asked by others even more was
"So, what are you going to do?"

Eventually that word "you" 

magnified exponentially in my mind whenever I heard that question. 

I realize now that it's because over these last few years
I've been asking myself that continuously.

What are YOU going to do?
What SHOULD YOU be doing?

Ok, I only asked myself that last one once. 

Yes, I've been fighting indecision for a long time. 
Oh, let me tell you, 

It's my biggest pet peeve,
and now I'm doing it!

But you know what, 
I'm going to figure it out. 

I want to get a master's degree either while we're in this land of universities 
(seriously, look it up; it's crazy.),
or right after John gets done with his M-Div (master's of divinity). 

Masters in what?
Oh - I don't know.  

See that!  That's my indecision. 
I've tossed around the ideas of 
education - but i wouldn't get hired with a masters + only 1 year of teaching experience, right?-
a medical career - which would mean both undergrad + grad work - 
or el. ed. - which would probably be only an undergrad initially. 

or something else?  I don't know!

Well, when I get overwhelmed by this indecision,
I start to feel a little lost.  

It's not a good feeling. 
However, it forces me to rely on God.  

It's kind of like walking in the dark.  
If you've ever played Super Mario Bros. Wii
(Thanks, Mom, for giving us that for Christmas!),
you know that the levels you play in the dark 
only allow you to see about one or two steps ahead
with "assistance" from your enemies at times.

If you have a light-up block or a 

fire-power flower, you can see a little further ahead.

If you get the STAR(!!!), you can see EVERYTHING!

I'm hoping that God gives me a STAR(!!!) sometime soon.

I'm sure that God will help me find my way. 
I'm not lost, really - just can't quite see what's next.  

Yet whether I can only see two or three feet in front of me
or if I can see everything that's ahead,
it's God that shows me where and how to go.

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