When you search the words
"Why can't I" in a
Google search bar,
the first completed sentence that comes up is
"Why can't I get pregnant?"
Such a painful, piercing question.
It almost left my vocabulary entirely, that is
until I was a week late.
Once you allow the thermometer to accompany you
an the charting to measure you
and the cycles to define you (or, really, your uterus -
you tend to know what's happening when and
Instead of dealing with the same pain the same way each month,
I developed a numbness,
a denial, in a way, that allowed me to
acknowledge that something I have
is the signal for
something I do not, but that it is
yet simple thing.
Well, when the unexpected happens and they
I haven't tangibly felt hope in a very long time,
and it was fleeting.
The old questions crept back,
It doesn't feel that great to hear one big
empty, silent answer.
Regardless how that feels,
I have faith
and plenty of reason to believe,
as hard and sometimes impossible as it is,
that there's hope.